So, blogging...mmm...I want to blog because I think I could be a good writer, but then this is PUBLIC! Oh, well, I have to be honest with myself. I want to be a better person than I am. I know a lot of what I deal with is with my depression-which IS a medical condition! Luckily, Mike knows and FINALLY understand this. He does support me, even through his frustration. Trust me I SHARE his frustration. But I got a lot done this weekend. Sorted the entire laundry room! It's so nice and clean - and well, I think I started my motivation. Mike and Jacob are gone at church camp until Friday. Jennie is at the lakehouse with Grandma and Grandpa. It's just me and Peanut! I got 90% moved back into our bedroom tonight. Geez, I feel like I have a huge monkey off my back. I am going to get this house looking so good on Friday when Mike gets back. I am going to prove to him that I am not as pathetic I feel. He has done so much! I am so incredibly lucky to have a husband who sees my flaws and accepts them as part of me. That is incredibly huge! I have seen marriages fall apart because they 'grew' apart...I don't understand it. Mike and I have had some hard times, but by the grace of God we made it. 17 years........oh well, that's another post! But this is pretty much for me, I know no one will read this.......

Has it really been TEN months??

I really wanted to be a better blogger....

A lot has changed in the last few months. My family life, well, some things have improved, but still overwhelmed! Jacob failed 7th grade - that absolutley rips my soul apart. How did I fail this amazingly brilliant child? Did I believe he was 'smart enough' to handle it himself without my consistent guidance? He doesn't act like it's a big deal to him, but school starts in a couple of weeks.....It hurts me so much because he has gone to school with the same kids since KINDERGARTEN and now they won't graduate together.... I always envied the kids at school who had known each other their whole lives - I guess because I moved so much and that is something that I missed out on. I entertained the thought of homeschooling him this year and seeing if we could "catch up" but I know after this summer I don't have the discipline to do it (or patience!) I've been working from home this summer to "summer homeschool" the kids - well, it hasn't gone too great. I LOVE being home though. We've done pretty good but I don't have the time to work and homeschool.

I resigned as the Volunteer Coordinator for Heroes for Children in April. It was a tough decision, but it had to be done. It was taking too much out of me. It was distracting me from my family. It was hard! Jenny and I have apparently grown apart, that's been really hard for me to let go of too. I don't know why, but it does.

I need to get to sleep. The girls are gone for THREE days! I get to sleep ALL night!! WAHOOO!

I've got something else excited coming up so I want to talk about that more later......

Fishy

Holding love in your arms

I know, I know...I owe pictures from the 12 South Angels LTN Walk....I'll post soon...but God bless Jenny - she told me NOT to post pictures of her on the internet! Well, what was I gonna say...I told her she was BEAUTIFUL...but, you know how us women are, we hate pictures of ourselves - forget how we feel at NINE months pregnant.........which brings me to......

MARGARET ELIZABETH SCOTT....born today, Wednesday, October 26, 2005!! I was an absolute freak at work today. I have Jenny on my MSN messenger and knew that she had her computer at the hospital...so everytime "someone" (DANA) logged in under Jenny's name - that it was time for an update! Luckily, two of my friends at work were very excited for me - but one of them, well, she was just a pain about it - "why is this such a big deal for you?" HELLO - I have come to LOVE Jenny and Andrew - ALLIE has given me my purpose in life - need I say more???? I was pretty "not happy" but oh well, NOTHING could ruin this day for me....my beloved friends Jenny and Andrew got to hold their second born daughter in their arms today.......what more could anyone want????

Maggie's birth went VERY well - I am pretty surprised how fast it went! But with every childbirth it's different than the one before - and Maggie proved that today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGGIE SCOTT!!!

So, I leave you with the WARMEST thoughts of LOVE - hug your children - and remember the MOMENT they were placed in your arms - and be grateful and feel blessed that you can still hold them in your arms.........

Love, Fishy

Getting back on schedule

For months I have been fighting my lack of motivation to do ANYTHING!! It's been very frustrating because I know that I need to get stuff done. I just come home from work and sit on the couch. The kids were lucky if I made them a decent dinner. That was the extent of my evening. It's been very depressing and overwhelming....well...ding ding....it IS depression or in my case anxiety that leads to depression. Well, I upped my Zoloft dosage and the dr added Wellbutrin....so far so good. I am finally MOTIVATED....still not getting as much done as I would like but hopefully soon I will be "with it" again. I have so many ideas for my Avon business and of course things I want to do for HFC, it's just getting into gear and putting them into action!!!

I have gotten my 12 South Angels sponsor letter done - FINALLY!!! I have been needing to get that done for quite a while. My Light the Night walk is in ONE MONTH.....I had so many plans to get my fundraising done earlier so maybe I could raise ALOT more than my goal...now I will be lucky to hit my goal...CRAP!!! So...if you would like to donate and help me......http://www.active.com/donations/fundraise_public.cfm?key=jillandjennie

I really should be talking about Hurricane Rita that's coming our way....my life is OBSESSED with HFC, LTN, etc. But we have prepared in case we lose power. Really, we lose power in a rainstorm, so I figure 60 mph winds will knock it out! I am just SOOOO glad I didn't have to deal with trying to get out of Houston....OMG what a mess and total nightmare. There are going to be some really serious repercussion because of all the people that headed back home because the traffic was NOT EVEN MOVING!!!! God protect those people. They tried to get out..........

Crunch Time!

WOW! Even in the worst of times, good still happens! A 10-year old boy named Drew escaped Hurricane Katrina in Louisiana and came to Texas. He was not feeling well so his parents took him to the dr. He was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia....unbelievable. This family has lost every physical possesion they own and now they are fighting for the life of their son. Luckily for Drew and his family, they were at Medical City Dallas. Drew's drs are the Three Wise Men (aka Lenarksy, Goldman and Weinthal).....they have been connected to our awesome North Texas branch of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, Heroes for Children, and one of my favorite local families, the Fighting Hays Family. The family's story has hit the national news circuits, and Heroes for Children has gotten a ton of publicity from it! I have received several requests from people wanting to volunteer for our organization.......I am just now getting our computer up and running again and have sooooo much to get caught up on! I am going to bust my bobo to get a volunteer newsletter out next week!

And we are really trying to get Jenny and Larissa on Kidd Kraddick's show. He interviewed Drew's mom on the air and she told them about HFC. He asked many questions about HFC and pledged $5,000 to us!!!!!! HOLY COW!!!!

So, maybe sooner than later, HFC will be able to pay me to work for them full-time! What an awesome opportunity....it will be my dream to get paid doing something I love!! (I do it for FREE now, so imagine how happy I would be to be paid to do it FULL TIME!!)

Have a good day tomorrow!!

How full has your life been?

ALLISON LEIGH SCOTT

December 17, 2003 - September 13, 2004

www.scotthousehold.com

"Wonder"

Alanis Morisette

Doctors have come from distant cities just to see me, stand over my bed

disbelieving what they're seeing
They say I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation and as far as they

can see they can offer no explanation
Newspapers ask intimate questions, what confessions they reach into my head

to steal the glory of my story
They say I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation and as far as they

can see they can offer no explanation
I believe Fate smiled and Destiny laughed as she came to my cradle

"know this child will be able"

laughed as my body she lifted

"know this child will be gifted with love, with patience and with faith

she'll make her way"
People see me, I'm a challenge to your balance I'm over your head show

I confound you and astound you to know I must be one of the wonders of God's

own creation and as far as you can see you can offer me no explanation
I believe Fate smiled and Destiny laughed as she came to my cradle

"know this child will be able"

laughed as she came to my mother

"know this child will not suffer"

laughed as my body she lifted

"know this child will be gifted with love, with patience and with faith

she'll make her way"

In LOVING honor of the fullest 9-month life ever imaginable

Too much to do

Holy cow! I am just overwhelmed with stuff to get done! The little gerbil in my head is spinning so fast!!! I spent the evening at my Avon meeting. I really wish I could get that moving (aka make more money) faster! If I want any chance of working for HFC I will need that extra money, as I am sure they won't be able to pay me my normal salary {sigh}

This summer I have pretty much dropped the ball on my volunteer stuff.....I have some MAJOR recruiting and motivating to do!! I have got a ton of ideas, now just to find the time (and energy) to get it all done!!

Oh, and let's not talk about the house!! EEEKKK!! It's a disaster (well, I guess not truly when you think of folks in LA and MS.) We have the floor painted in Jacob's room so hopefully this weekend we can get his bed moved in there! We'll worry about the wall a little later!

Remember Allison Leigh Scott (www.scotthousehold.com) tomorrow. September 13th is her first angel anniversary. It rips my heart out today when I think about the fact that it has been ONE YEAR since Jenny and Andrew held their beautiful blue-eyed, raspberry-blowing, giraffe-loving baby in their arms..................